"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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