I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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