Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
