there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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