So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
