I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
