you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
