Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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