I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
