i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
