just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
