Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
