i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
