I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
