Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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