I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize