your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize