I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
