I could make wine with my vomit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize