Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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