a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
