We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You are the jesus of drinking
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
