why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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