In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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