and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
