I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
