She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize