Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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