so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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