Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is my gift to your gina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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