i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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