I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
