he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
