eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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