Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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