May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
