dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
