it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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