I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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