i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize