I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
