What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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