How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
