i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
