wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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