Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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