I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
