Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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