Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
