I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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