god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
