What a fucking waste of an outfit
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
