Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
