Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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