I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
