The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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