I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
