I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
