My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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