I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
