at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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