dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
