remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
