i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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