did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
