It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
