who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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