if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
