I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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