just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize