my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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